Axel Night - Opening Night

[machmoth]

Axel Night - Opening Night


"You're not chicken, are you Night?" That's how it always starts. Marty gets a crazy idea in his head, I do it. It isn't that I care what these jokers think of me, but when a challenge is thrown down, there's honor at stake.

"I don't think she's my type." I sipped my drink and examined the object of our discussion a little longer. She was cute. Her hair was not well kept, but the long, wild locks of amber were charming. I especially liked those sexy half-elf ears and misty gray eyes. She would be my type, if she didn't look like a scared, caged animal, ready to bite and run away from the first hand to approach her. "Bite and run" isn't my type, at least not in the literal sense.

"We're not telling you to marry her. Just a kiss."

"She is really cute," Karl added, always a master of the obvious.

"A date and a kiss, huh," I asked. "Is that all?"

"You are, of course, free to go further," Marty elaborated. "But the bet is one date and a kiss, and I buy rounds for a night. You fail, and you buy for a night."

"Where's that Axel charm," Karl goaded.

"The fact that you get free drinks, no matter how it pans out makes your opinion in this null and void," I retorted. I turned to Marty again. "I'm no idiot. She's cute, innocent, and scared. You picked the biggest prude in the room."

"Are you admitting defeat?"

Deep inside every male is a well of pride. When assaulted, it fills, and when it overflows, we do as it commands without pausing for silly things like logic. The fact that I've been filling it with ale for two hours means it was already about as ready to gush as a dike masoned with layers of cake holding back a tsunami. I examined my challenge once more. She really was cute. Another of my wells of fluids further supported the endeavor. "Alright, but you'd better be ready to order the good stuff when I get back."

"I already had the bartender special order my requests for when you get shot down," Marty shot back with a wink.

I approached the maiden calmly, taking only a brief moment to tousle my hair. I took her for the kind attracted to the rugged, dirty type. Lucky me, since my tunic was wrinkled, and I was pretty sure I missed my last bath. She shot the briefest of nervous glances my way, then stared intensely at the counter as if she could see the future in the unpolished wood, or more likely, had to toss her cookies.

"Good evening, fair lady," I opened generically. "You seem nervous. Is something wrong?"

"I... " She again met my eyes with hers, and I was reminded of their beauty. "I'm looking for an adventurer. Would you happen to be one?"

"Why, of course," I adventure from tavern to tavern, and dare to wear mismatched socks when it nears laundry day. "Axel Night, at your service."

She gasped. I could watch the fear melt off her the way a block of ice would in a smith's furnace in  summer. "You are a knight as well?!" At least I found her weak spot. It seems the subject is comfortable around sword-wielding murderers. They always go for the bad boys.

"I come from a long line of Nights." I'm no liar. It isn't my fault they made that little 'K' silent. "Could I offer you a drink?"

"Oh, no. I don't drink spirits." Alright, I'm at a loss for comment here. She actually said that. I couldn't make up such blasphemy. "May I ask a service of you, Sir Axel?"

"I am yours, madam," I poured on, none the less.

"I need a strong adventurer to accompany me on a quest to retrieve an important artifact," said the mysterious stranger standing before me in the pub.  I couldn't shake the feeling that some deity somewhere was working vigorously to add "tired cliché" to his portfolio.

"I humbly accept to undertake this task, my lady," I returned with a bow.  "I just so happen to be an expert at finding and retrieving special items," ... that don't belong to me.

She seemed nervous again.  What did I do now?  Her lips quivered as she spoke.  "I haven't much to offer in return, I am afraid."

"Then all I ask in return is a kiss.  From one as beautiful as yourself, I could think of no finer reward."  Payable in advance, if at all possible.

She blushed only briefly before excitement took her over.  She bounced in place, giggling wildly, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the door.  Stumbling behind, I had enough time to glance across the room at the dumb-founded faces of Marty and Karl.  They had been out of earshot for the whole conversation, and only knew about the situation what they saw now.  I parted with only a grin and a wink.

[machmoth]

Our trek took us quickly into the pitch-black wilderness.  I remember several horror tales that began like this.  I could barely see her, and she wasn't much easier to hear.  I struck up some small talk, hoping I could follower her voice better than the rare signs of existence she gave.  "I never got your name."
 
"The city dwellers know me as Kira."
 
 "And you live in a tree?"
 
She giggled softly.  "Among them, yes.  I am a druid of these woods."  My new girl friend is a cultist.  Somehow, I knew this date would end with me sacrificed on an alter.
 
I pushed aside a branch just before it managed to lay me out flat.  I have to admit, she was good at finding her way through this dense woodland.  "Do you normally come looking for 'city dwellers' to run your errands?"
 
"Unlike many of my circle, I believe that civilization and nature can co-exist in the wider scope of life."
 
"That doesn't answer the question.  Why not just buddy up with a few cult-mates?"
 
She didn't seem phased by my slip of the tongue.  "Not all of those in my circle are trustworthy in this matter.  Many seek to have the cities wiped out, and have the world run purely wild.  In the right hands, the artifact could cause great destruction to your village."
 
"We obviously don't have the same definition of 'right hands'."
 
"I intend to destroy the object, but it will require my full concentration, which will leave me weak and vulnerable.  I need you, Sir Knight, to protect me, should we run into trouble."  So far, it wasn't sounding half bad.  She would do all of the work, and if none of her crazy co-workers stopped by, I got all the thanks for a little moral support.  "Here we are."
 
It didn't look much different from the rest of the night-covered forest.  A bundle of vines over a tree, if my eyes had adjusted enough to make it out correctly.  She lifted her hands and the vines slithered back like snakes, showing a gaping, black opening.
 
My new girl friend is one hell of a gardener.

[machmoth]

The inside of the tree stretched on into a vast wooden hallway.  Multi-hued fungi lit the air in a rainbow of snowing spores.  The architect of this place could make a killing on the modern housing market.  The interior decorator, not so much.  At any given time, it was difficult to tell at what grade we traveled at.  We could have been walking on the ceiling for all I knew by the time the hall came to a gradual close.

A massive shrine resembling animals, trees, and a crazy old man cupped an emerald orb in the center.  Despite skin of a very wooden texture, the maniacal laughter pretty much gave away that one of these three was not a normal part of the decor.

"I knew you would come, Kiraetha," boosted the non-animal, non-tree feng shui faux pas.  "Why is it you cling so tightly to your city pigs?"

Kira growled in return.  I won't lie, it was kind of sexy.  "Because they are as much a part of our world as that which we have sworn to protect."

If you might imagine the sound of a butter churn full of squirrels, that was about what his laugh sounded like.  "They are a stain on the balance.  They strive to control everything with their laws, and wipe out that which is wild in our world.  It will no doubt be their downfall one way or another.  If we wait, they will take everything we stand for with them.  With this, we can even the balance once again."

"Bringing destruction down on them is not wilderness, it is sinister and morbid," she spat back.

This could take a long time.  I had better things to be doing.  "Excuse me, but I forgot my debate shoes back at the human-breeding cesspool.  Is this going to take long?"

He turned to meet me with yellowed eyes and a near toothless grin.  "You are right.  The sooner we are done with this, the sooner I can test the powers this orb possesses."  Thank the gods, the plot moves forward.  As did the spray of ice shards he suddenly barraged us with.
 
In a display of finely honed self-defense skills, I flung myself onto the ground in something resembling a very heroic fetal position.  Kira, much to my surprise, charged into the spray.  When she landed, her body was that of a wolf's.  A few more agile leaps got her through the ice storm without a scratch and within biting range of the senile assailant.
 
My new girl friend turns into a wolf.  I was not so innocent as to believe she wouldn't be a beast once a month, but I was leaning towards something more menstrual, less lycanthrope.
 
The old man met her advance with a blast of wind that hurled her back to my side.  We both took a moment to find our feet.  She was again her half-elf self.  Before we had a response for him, the ground at our feet burst into flames.  I was expecting the usual searing death associated with fire, but it never came.  Kira had used her magic to protect me, and now collapsed, screeching in pain.
 
My new girl friend is on fire.
 
I rushed her out of the blaze, but she wasn't looking too good.  Her breathing was labored and most of her skin charred.  There was nothing I could do for her.  Well, nothing short of what any angry boy friend does, and that's mindlessly beat the offending party into something spreadable on toast.
 
I turned and stared my victim down as I walked dramatically through the fire.  "Do you know why I am right and you are wrong?"
 
He laughed his rodent-abusing laugh.  "Humor me."
 
"You preach the vice of law and power of chaos, without realizing that one cannot exist without the other.  Civilization is not the representation of law, but simply contains them the same way a wolf pack might.  And the more any life strives, the more it will seek to control and the more it will scatter into chaos.  That is the circle of life."  I was now standing face to face with him.
 
"Inspiring.  Did you think of all that yourself?"
 
"No, I read it on an out house stall.  I thought of picking that green orb out of your pocket all by myself."
 
His eyes doubled in size.  As both of his boney hands lunged to check for the treasure, I somersaulted backwards and scooped up a hand full of the icy shards from the ground.  "Dart champion of Plucky's Tavern, three months running."  One, two, three.  Not the best of Cricket throws.  I could have honestly done better after a couple drinks, but dart boards don't bleed, and are far more picky where you hit them.  The flames to my back died dramatically in unison with my victory.  This time, I took the artifact from him for real, and dashed to Kira.
 
"Alright, sweet heart, this thing is powerful, right?"  I cleared my throat.  "I am your master now, globey.  Make the cute girl not dead! ... and cute again."  It might have been laughing at me, but it wasn't doing any healing.  "Look, I swore to protect her, don't you make a liar out of me."  I shook it to show it who was boss.  "That makes me one of your protectors of nature, doesn't it?"  I pressed the orb up against her, and this time it glowed like the face of the sun.  In a sudden flash, it turned to dust in my hand.  Her burns healed over, and a gasp of air entered her.  "Ha!  In your face, nature!"
 
"Sir Axel?"  Her voice was weak, but she was regaining consciousness.
 
"Don't worry, love.  I used the orb to heal you."
 
"That's... that's not possible."
 
"Unlikely, but not impossible.  I'm pretty good at handling ba..."
 
"No, you don't understand.  The sphere was a magical amplifier."  She grunted as she sat up.  Her skin was still red as if she had laid out in the sun on a quest to know what a raisin felt like.  "There is no way you could use it without the ability to cast magic."  Her eyes lit up with excitement.  "You've been chosen!"
 
"Pardon?"  If this was my karma for never winning the free lunch drawing, I wasn't impressed.
 
"You have been blessed with the gifts of the druids!"
 
"So, I can bring down the very elements upon those who cross me?"
 
She was suddenly overcome with laughter.  I was not in on the joke, it seemed.
 
"What's so funny?"
 
"That sphere was designed to amplify magic several dozen times its original strength.  Even the weakest novice would unleash more power than an arch-mage without even trying."
 
"So I..."
 
She giggled again.  "Your magic is so weak, you expended the item with almost nothing to show for it."
 
"Great, my first day as a celestial conduit, and I've got Evocation Dysfunction."  How embarrassing.  None the less, there was only one thing left to do.  "I believe there was a reward we spoke of?"
 
She blushed, only deepening her already ruby cheeks.  With less reserve than I expected, she leaned in to offer me my well earned embrace.  Our lips neared.  I felt the heat come off them as I barely graced hers with mine.  An ear-piercing scream of pain broke the romantic moment then and there.  Never try to kiss with sun-burned lips.

[machmoth]

I returned to to Plucky's that night, and took my seat by Marty and Karl.  I couldn't help but finger the golden acorn that now rested around my neck on a strand of twine.
 
"How'd the date go," Marty inquired without a greeting.
 
"Well," I responded.
 
"Did you get that kiss," asked Karl.
 
"No," I said plainly.  "But I am a divine vessel chosen for the protection of nature, and granted the magic powers to back up my geas."
 
There was a short pause.  "That means you buy tonight," Marty finally added.
 
"Will you be seeing her again," Karl pressed.
 
"I plan to, yeah."
 
"If she puts out, I'll buy a round of shots," Marty challenged, in his usual manner.
 
I gave the matter a very brief bit of thought.  "Deal."

[Chyelle]

Great to have you writing again Moff... thanks for sharing!