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Messages - Brandon_noble

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Technical Support / Virus Issues
« on: June 07, 2006, 10:35:10 PM »
Greetings,

I would like to volunteer  my services if anyone needs help with a virus , adware, or other Malware- type issue.

I have been working in computer security for a few years now and it is something of a hobby of mine. No garauntees, but we can usually get a machine cleaned up without to much work, virus or otherwise.

Thanks

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Story Board / A New Beginning...
« on: June 07, 2006, 08:06:21 PM »
Quote from: "Abraxas77"
My only critique is that we, the readers, have no idea who the story is about until the ninth paragraph.  Eight paragraphs of pronouns certainly lends the ambiguity to the reader, the same or similiar sensation felt by the character (Lino).  However, at the same time, we have nothing--no character, persona--with whom to associate the actions and emotions of  the first 8 paragraphs.  It is, of course, a matter of my opinion that I point this out; you or any other reader may feel diffently.  But, I'm not asking for much change; I simply want something more concrete than pronouns that I may tie what I'm reading to something solid.  For example, you could add four words at the very beginning, "Lino was not himself. Slowly awareness pulled ...."

:)


Thanks for the feedback, I was trying to make this a bit ambiguous and let the reader experience some of the sensory overload and confusion that Lino was going through, while still making it comprehensible.
I battled with the pronoun issue for awhile but in the end decided, that it lent a bit of a teaser feeling to the story and hopefully the reader is interested enough to continue. I was thinking of this more as a trailer than a feature, if that makes sense.

Anyway it was fun to write, especially since I haven’t done this before, and I really appreciate the feedback.

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Story Board / A New Beginning...
« on: June 07, 2006, 05:50:53 PM »
Slowly awareness pulled him from the comfort of oblivion. Pain, varied and strong, was the first intruder in the fortress that had been unconsciousness. Slowly, the different pains individualized themselves like a line of charging cavalry coalescing into single mounted warriors intent upon destruction. But as if by the very act of naming them, the clamoring of their charge receded.

The next opponent was memory. But, this was an elusive skulker hiding in the shadows. Judging it posed no immediate threat, he let it remain hidden, for the time being.

Next must come action, and he knew it would be a mother of a battle. He hoped the element of surprise would provide an advantage as he crept up on it by tensing and flexing his right leg. It promptly responded by calling for the cavalry of pain to ride again.

Once that charge had been met, he called upon his left leg....Nothing. The lines of communication had been cut. Attempting to flank the opponent he slowly opened his eyes, or eye as the case may be, the left mutinied, and refused to obey. Light harsh and red made a lunge and was temporarily held at bay, by lids half closed.

Slowly things began to focus, and he recognized the face of Sir Edmund not a hands breath from his the tip of his nose. A cracked and harsh throat mutated a hail of greeting to a moan of despair when he realized there was no light left in Edmunds eyes.  

That was when the assassin of memory chose to strike. That blackheart attacked, more cruelly than ever had the vilest of thieves. And as he rose to a half seated position, his leg held at an angle that would have been impossible had it been whole, Lino looked through blood crusted eyes at the red sun setting on a battlefield strewn with bodies, and black with crows.

He heard the sound of the Dark Elves making their way through the battlefield, but they were still well around the copse of trees from his current position. Quickly he prayed over his leg and found that it once again had the strength to move as he commanded. Slowly he crawled through the gore and across the bodies of men he had called brothers just hours before, the sound of the river introducing a goal to his flight. He slid over the edge of the steep embankment and rolled down a short slope covered in last summers leaves and twigs.

It was then that he remembered that the river had been dammed up stream by the Drow, and would provide no refuge. Quickly he altered his immediate goal to a large thicket of poison oak and thorn berries. As he chased a dire rat out of its shallow cave and borrowed into the detritus of the forest, he thought to himself “Here is where I will die.” and slowly withdrew from pain of memory and of flesh.

Several hours later, Lino woke to a rumbling in the earth, and before he had quite thrown off the cloak of exhaustion, he was swept away by a violent flood of mud and stick-laden water. “Bastards released the dam!” was his last thought.

Days later the hermit from camp discovered his unconscious form amongst the bodies of forest animals and other unfortunates swept away in the flood.

Thus begins the Story of Lino, Devoted of None.


((this is my first story post so I appreciate any feedback, but be gentle))

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